My Defect and the Power of an Inferiority Complex
I have a problem. It’s a big one. I think that you may be able to relate to it.
I have a problem. It’s a big one. I have a constant desire to keep pushing. It’s like my brain never turns off. There is always something that needs to be done. There is always something that I could have been done better. There is always something I need to know more about. This affects everything I do. There is never enough time in the day to get things done. I sometimes go to sleep feeling unsatisfied and I wake up feeling overwhelmed.
This has many consequences. I spend an inordinate amount of time reading so I can improve my knowledge in areas I feel I’m deficient in. I dive down rabbit holes that should never be opened in a quest to learn about topics that seem important but really aren’t. It can affect my personal relationships as I focus on my career vs speaking with my friends and spending time with my family. I can get frustrated with co-workers. I can get visibly stressed. I never seem to be fully happy even when I’ve had my greatest successes. I have a massive inferiority complex.
I define an inferiority complex as “an intense personal feeling of inadequacy, often resulting in the belief that one is in some way deficient, or inferior, to others”.1 I’m not exactly sure why I feel this way but I believe this was due to self-esteem issues stemming from my childhood. I’ve worked on ways to cope with this. I was especially inspired by Brené Brown who preaches the idea of being ok with imperfection. She introduced me to the concept of living a wholehearted life. This means that I need to be ok with whatever I don’t get done and telling myself that I am doing enough.
I have tried many strategies to deal with my defect. I’ve learned to let go, embrace self-compassion and be more empathetic in general. Having a loving spouse and children has really helped me here as they are my real-life mirrors and truthtellers. They have no qualms of telling me when I’m too out of balance. When I hear “Daddy, I didn’t get to spend enough time with you this week” I know that I need to course correct.
As a Customer Success professional, you may have similar tendencies. It could mean that you lie awake at night thinking about a client that may churn or the one that got away. You could be preoccupied with all of the work on your plate. You could be frustrated as you can’t execute to the high standard that you hold yourself to. You could be resentful as you try and juggle the expectations you have set for your career with the commitments that you have in your personal life. These feelings are hard to deal with but you can take some comfort in knowing that they are normal and that you are not alone. Especially if you are in a growing start-up.
I can’t tell you how to live your life but what I have learned is that having an inferiority complex isn’t as bad as it may feel at times. I’ve discovered that my “defect” has been my secret weapon and has been an overall positive influence in my life. It’s something that has pushed me to be better and not settle. There are many times that I could have taken the less risky route or maintained the status quo but I most likely would have had regrets later in my life. I know that I have made some poor choices at times but they are my choices and I’ve been able to learn from them.
The founder of the school of individual psychology, Alfred Adler, who coined the term “inferiority complex” has said these feelings are normal and that “striving for superiority is neither good nor bad. It is part of the human condition.” However, he continues “how it expresses itself is what matters”.2 It’s important that you keep these feelings of inferiority in check so they aren’t too extreme. The best way I’ve found to deal with this is to be open with those around you that you can trust and to keep an active journal and reflect on how you are feeling. Labeling your feelings and then having someone to discuss them with can keep you pushing forward while setting the right guard rails.
By journaling, being more open to feedback from others and assessments such as DiSC, and taking time to reflect on experiences, I’ve been able to learn more about myself and I’ve adjusted my style. I’m more open and vulnerable to those around me. I make a point of having downtime where I can put my mind at rest. I make more time for my family and friends. That doesn’t mean that I’ve taken my foot off the gas or that my grit level has decreased. I still set lofty professional goals for myself. I still have very high expectations of myself and those around me. I’m full of contradictions and battle my inner demons daily but I am who I am and I’m comfortable with that person.
I challenge you to learn more about yourself. Ask the closest people around you to tell you the three things they love about you the most. Ask your trusted colleagues to tell you things about you that frustrate them. Take assessments like StrengthsFinders or DiSC. The better you understand yourself, the more at peace you will be and it can help you live a more fulfilled life.
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Inferiority complex: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inferiority_complex
Beames, Thomas B. A Student’s Glossary of Adlerian Terminology. Ladysmith, B.C.: T.B. Beames, 1992. [Superiority Striving]